My Testimony Prepared for Nippori Church

Thank you all for letting me give this testimony. I'll also use this chance to look back over how I came to faith.

When I was very young, there were churches in the city, and my impression of them was that they were clubs for grandmas and grandpas, who would often sit at the door on little folding stools. Later I went to Chengdu for school, where I had a wonderful older friend — like me, he was half Shandong, half Sichuan. We met at the Apple flagship store, which sold Mac computers; I bought an iPod there with the first money I'd ever earned from a part-time job. I was really into consumer electronics back then, and he was my style icon — he helped me out a lot, and I used to call him "half of my Chengdu." Later he went through some hard times, and by some coincidence came to faith. I had no idea what that meant at the time — it just seemed like a fashionable thing — so I went to church with him too. The people at church were friendly, more open, more cultured and civilized, it felt more upscale, so I stayed. I kept going, often, but I didn't believe, and I didn't understand a word of it.

By the way, I was into consumer electronics back then, especially audio-visual gear, because I loved listening to music — by that point I had already listened to a huge amount of music, including Japanese pop. The moment I really became aware of Japan's presence and the strength of its industries, and gradually grew interested in the country, started with a Japanese female singer.

Later I went to work in Guangzhou for half a year. During the National Day holiday there, I wandered around the city alone. As the holiday was ending, I suddenly felt so lonely — surrounded by the crowds of Guangzhou, yet drifting through it all by myself, like being on a lively, isolated island. I suddenly remembered my days at the church in Chengdu. I went home and searched for a Christian church, and found that Guangzhou had a number of "Three-Self" churches. I chose Shamian Church. I called them, and a warm voice answered — I felt a wave of warmth, and decided on the spot to be baptized. I joined Shamian Church's inquirers' class, but I left Guangzhou before actually being baptized. It was during that time away from Guangzhou that I decided to switch careers into IT. I had originally studied graphic design, and back then I'd read some books by Japanese design masters and some design textbooks. After I went back to my hometown, I taught myself IT at home for seven months and got my start. That decision is what eventually made it possible for me to come work in Japan. By the way, I felt that the Three-Self churches back then were fairly pure and independent — the one in Guangzhou even had a bit of a Republican-era air to it.

Later I went back to Chengdu and switched into IT work. Chengdu has always been the central city of Sichuan, even of western China — commerce there is thriving, with every kind of international brand represented. Around 2012–2013, Taikoo Li shopping street already existed, along with a large MUJI flagship store and many beautifully designed little shops. Even though I was working in IT, appreciating good design was still a pleasure of mine. I often treated Taikoo Li and MUJI as my own back garden — the simple, unadorned spaces put me in a good mood. One book that left a deep impression on me was MUJI's "Reinventing the Home" — I sat on the steps at Taikoo Li and read the whole thing in one sitting. The designer's vivid, scene-rendering language and illustrations set my imagination running; I kept imagining that, once I had a home of my own, I would furnish it according to that philosophy. Simply put, the idea was that the best spot in the home — usually the living room — should hold whatever element is most closely tied to your interests and where you spend the most time. I was deeply drawn to the way Japanese designers thought through problems back then, and it gave me a tremendous fondness for Japan.

It was also during this stretch back in Chengdu that I truly came to faith, baptism included. At the time there was a sister in my small group; we often hung out, walked the streets together, wandered around those shopping areas I mentioned — she was studying Chinese literature, and I thought she was very imaginative. I may have had a bit of a crush on her back then, which made me pay attention to how she thought about things. I still didn't believe at that point, and I drew clear lines with people — this concerns me, that doesn't. For things that concerned me, I'd invest more emotion and energy; for things that didn't, I wouldn't pay much attention — harmless, but not particularly good either. But this sister was different: she took an interest in and cared about people I considered irrelevant to me — like the street sweepers, for instance. She might not have done anything about it, but she noticed them; she carried a kind of attentiveness and great love toward every single person, wanting good for them. I admired that selflessness deeply — it was something I didn't have. Once, during a morning prayer meeting, I was kneeling there, praying for people I'd rarely prayed for before, praying for the pastor, praying for the pastor's wife, and I suddenly burst into tears — another wave of warmth. After that I realized I truly believed — the sermons suddenly made sense, I truly believed there was a God, and I began slowly maturing within a Christian set of values. Around that time, one of the older sisters at church said, "Ziqiao's eyes have lit up."

Later I went to Beijing, and over seven years there I went through two churches — I can't say I went through few people or events. The most notable growth and maturing I experienced after coming to faith also happened in those seven years... My pastor was someone very skilled at spotting connections and channeling our enthusiasm; under her lead, I even ran a Japanese-language fellowship for a while, together with a sister at church who did Japanese translation and my good brother — the three of us singing Japanese hymns, studying the Japanese Bible, and even performing "Shu wa Watashira no Taiyō" ("The Lord Is Our Sun") on stage at the church's praise gathering. In the end the group never grew beyond the three of us and eventually folded, but the depth of friendship the three of us gained from it made it an unforgettable time...

I want to talk about two people — one is this good brother of mine, the other is my ex-girlfriend... Between them, they can more or less string together the timeline of my last few years before coming to Japan.........

My good friend is a truly wonderful Christian — battered by life, having seen through the bleakness of the world, and yet still able to hold on to innocence and his original heart... He's good at a lot of technical things, though never quite a master of any of them; he plays piano and knows something about arranging and composing; he didn't have much formal education, yet he spent several years studying theology anyway. His education level isn't high not because he isn't smart, but because fate played tricks on him......... He set up audio equipment for the church for free, played piano for services, and picked up odd jobs through various channels repairing computers and phones — feeling his way forward between making a living and serving the church. Beside the railway tracks near Huoying Station in Beijing — a spot I call our secret base — we once walked along those tracks after snow had fallen, listening to trains pass back and forth, me holding two jianbing guozi while he took photos of me, the two of us talking about the joys and helplessness of life... For a while I lived in an urban village in the north of the city. I once invited him over to watch Shunji Iwai's "A Wandering Soul" together, and it left him thoroughly emo. My place wasn't exactly messy, but since it was rented I hadn't cleaned it properly, and it bore the marks of years of use......... Then one day, he said he was coming to hang out, and showed up wearing a disposable raincoat, carrying a brand-new toilet brush and toilet cleaner, ready to help me clean. He said, "Ziqiao, you deserve to live in a better environment." The sight of him in that raincoat holding a toilet brush was honestly incredibly cool, but he refused to let me take a photo to remember it by. To this day, we still call each other about once a month, praying for and encouraging one another...

Now, the second person. Before I came to Japan I had a girlfriend. She got to know of me from an article I'd published on a Christian public account in Beijing, reached out to my pastor, and that's how we met and ended up together... I lived in Huilongguan, at the northernmost edge of Beijing, and she lived in Songjiazhuang, at the southernmost edge; when we met up midweek we'd sometimes meet in the middle, at Wangfujing... I'd take a two-hour ride south to watch Takeshi Kitano's "Kikujiro" with her, and she'd take a two-hour ride north to play Mario with me... She picked up a stray dog, and the first time I ever looked after a dog was when she went back to her hometown and I dog-sat for her......... It really was a beautiful, simple set of memories. She studied animation, and we had some shared feeling for Japanese-style aesthetics, and we were both fairly simple, conservative Christians — that's probably why we were able to be together......... But I'd always had this dream of Japan. Back then I was rather careless about it — I pushed her to marry me so I could apply to come to Japan, and then bring her over afterward as a dependent... In reality, I hadn't stored up enough love where she was concerned — I didn't love her enough for her to feel brave enough to marry me......... At that time, whenever I looked at the scenery of Beijing, or of my hometown, all I could think about was Japan — the streets and little parks here felt small and refined, reminiscent of Japan; sitting on the Beijing subway listening to the sound of the train pulling away, I'd think, "that's a Hitachi motor," and wonder how the Yamanote Line was doing these days......... In the face of how badly I wanted to come to Japan, she brought up breaking up......... After that I started looking for job opportunities in Japan, and came over in 2023 once Spring Festival back home was over... The church threw me a small farewell gathering — everyone knew this guy loved Japan, so, well, if he's going, he's going......... Afterward I asked her once: do you regret breaking up with me? She said, as long as I'm doing well, she doesn't regret it... She gave me one piece of advice: if I ever meet someone I can be with again, to love her well, and use my love to give her confidence......... She likes a song called "However You Are, That's However We'll Be"...

Since coming to Japan, work and life have gone fairly smoothly so far — aside from my Japanese being terrible, the biggest thing I've felt is loneliness. No friends, no family anywhere in sight. I went to a church — one I'd already known about back in Beijing — and went there without giving it much thought once I arrived. The preaching was fine, no complaints there, but the relationships never warmed up no matter what; everyone seemed to be just clocking in like it was a job. Then, one time, while we were serving on the meal team, I was sitting off in a corner, and the person leading that service bluntly and rudely kicked me out of the kitchen. That same day I gave the fellowship chairperson and the pastor an earful; after they apologized to me, I haven't been back since. I was deeply disappointed by that Chinese church in Japan.

For the two months after that, I didn't go to church, and instead started trying to connect with the non-Christian Chinese community here in Japan — hiking a bit, singing a bit. People really do just act however their own desires and preferences take them. At church, whatever else, people still at least talk about things like caring for others and diligence — positive topics. Out in that other world, most people's concerns really did seem to boil down to comparison, making money, what to eat, what to play, how to satisfy their desires. Over those two months I realized that, in church, even though we often end up disappointed in one another, out in society it's genuinely unstable and unsafe. I still needed to go back to the church's values and its congregation to feel more secure, so I reached out to Pastor Chen Yu — and I'm very grateful that I'm standing here today because of that.

Of course, there are plenty of interesting, positive individuals and organizations out in society too. I recently took part in an NGO activity aimed at foreigners, where I got to meet some interesting, friendly Japanese people. Using my terrible Japanese, I did my best to explain simply why I'm a Christian. I told them that before becoming a Christian, I was a selfish person — jiko-chūshin, self-centered, as they say in Japanese — and that after becoming a Christian, it became a little easier to give love to others. One Japanese grandma said I must have a lot of love in me; I said, not a lot, just a little. I went on to say that I'd received help from Japanese people here in Japan, that they were very kind, and that Japanese people aren't self-centered people. That Japanese grandma got quite pleased and kept saying, "Sō deshō, sō deshō, watashi dake ja nai yo" — "Right? Right? It's not just me." I continued, saying that the way Japanese people behave makes me feel they're a lot like Christians, but that almost none of them actually believe — kanashii desu, it's sad — and the Japanese grandma asked me how many people believe in Japan... and so on and so on... Through activities like these, I try to build connections with more people, with locals, without deliberately hiding or making a point of the fact that I'm a Christian.

Having believed for many years, and been in church for many years, I've seen far too many things that fell short of hope and left people disappointed. But it's the faithful friends, the upright souls, who keep encouraging us — keeping us neither servile nor arrogant, keeping us from straying from the teaching, so that we follow Christ's example and walk the heavenly road together.

My life feels like it's been drawing a circle, coming back around, gradually fulfilling the longings of my childhood, the dreams in my heart... Along the way there have been meetings and missed connections, moments of confusion, stumbling forward, burning intensity and tears, but mostly an unnoticed ordinariness... Now, standing here in Japan, I remain very resolute — there's a lot I still need to do, and one of the more important things is to learn Japanese. I'm willing to give the rest of my life to Japan, to become a good resident recognized by Japan, and if possible, to go on to influence more people...

Dear brothers and sisters, thank you for giving me the chance to look back over my life so far, and for taking the time to listen to me tell it. From now on, please continue to look after me and bear with me.